The Sleepover That Silenced My Song: A Journey Back to Musical Self-Expression
When was the last time YOU danced like nobody was watching? With full-on excitement, goofiness, and sheer joy? There’s something primordial about the urge to move our bodies to music. And many times we WANT to, but hold back and don’t. Have you attended any weddings lately, or events where there’s music and a dance floor? It’s interesting to watch the select few people who jump onto the dance floor and start dancing even with a zillion eyeballs on them, and how the majority of people stay seated. Curious isn’t it? If we feel the urge to dance, and like the song that’s playing, why don’t we join them?
The Natural Joy of Musical Movement
"Children are born with a natural desire to move to music. It's not something we teach them – it's hardwired into their DNA." - Maria Montessori
It’s amazing to me how toddlers genuinely love moving to music. Many children start dancing and wiggling their bodies to music before they’ve even learned to walk. When my kids were little, they loved to sing songs.
We are naturally wired to express and enjoy music! This isn’t just my opinion, it’s supported by research. A 2023 study in Developmental Science found that infants as young as 2-5 months can detect the beat in music. That’s amazing to me! It seems music is an important part of human development. Music even plays an important role in early childhood development, enriching cognitive development, emotional development, social skills, motor skills, memory, concentration and more! So…it’s actually GOOD for us, right?!
Early Musical Memories
"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music." -Albert Einstein
I don’t have many memories of being a young child, but several early memories that stuck with me involved music. I have warm memories of singing the song “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” and doing the hand motions in Kindergarten– and this was in a public (not religious) school!
I used to freely, openly show my love for both music and movement for most of my young life. I’d sing in public, anywhere, any time, sing in the car, sing to the radio, sing by myself while playing outside…I’ve also unconsciously tapped my foot, hand or fingers to the beat of music for as long as I can remember.
But one night changed it all for me.
The Night That Changed Everything
It’s funny how you can forget so many things, but some are crystal clear in the mind. This is one of them. I remember being at a sleepover party at my cousin’s house when I was probably 9 or 10. She was the only one I knew at the party, and I remember that felt awkward. Shortly after I arrived at her house, she made fun of my new electronic music stick (a toy I had gotten at a yard sale earlier that day that made sounds when you pushed buttons). She often made me feel “less than” because I didn’t have the brand new, name-brand stuff that she did, so sadly, this was nothing new. Oddly, this is the only memory I have of playing with that musical toy– I wonder if I got rid of it because I was teased?
Later that night we all got our PJs on and spread our sleeping bags onto the livingroom floor. We were listening to upbeat music on the stereo, and I was just being my normal self. Unconsciously, I was naturally bopping my head to the beat. Not dancing, just subtly reacting to the music I was enjoying. I still remember the song, it was “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor. My cousin laughed at me, stretched out her arm to point at me, and encouraged the other girls to laugh, too.
In that moment, I was both confused and for some reason, ashamed. I felt like I had done something wrong. Broken some unwritten social norm. Up until this exact moment, I’d never thought moving to music was anything but normal and natural. For me, this was how I experienced music.
And to make it worse, she then told me (well, she probably told the whole party) that my parents and her parents MADE her invite me to her party. She hadn’t wanted me there in the first place. Why oh why are people so cruel to each other? I wanted to curl up in a ball and become invisible. I don’t remember the rest of the party, because I’m pretty sure I kept to myself, stayed out of everyone’s way, and likely cried myself to sleep.
The Ripple Effect of Childhood Shame
It’s interesting how experiences we have when we’re young affect decisions we make for the rest of our lives. I’m saddened by the lessons “little me” learned that night. I imagine the unwanted program went into my little brain something like this: It’s not safe to be yourself, to be different, to move to the music. People are judging you. Just try to fit in. They didn’t even want you here. Just try to stay out of their way. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Our unconscious mind does its best to keep us safe and alive, and mine told me that blending in and dulling myself down would be safer. I’m over 50 now and that memory still saddens me.
The night before I wrote about this sleepover memory in my journal, I had a dream where I was outside the main worship room of a church, encouraging and coaching the musical worship team. They were unhappy with the music track background and I was giving them ideas. When I woke up and jotted the dream down, a thought popped into my mind, that has since shown up several times. I think that both music and movement are important parts of my life.
So why did I dim those parts of me?
It’s not like I let my love of music go after that night– I still sang in the car, in chorus, in many competitions…I played the violin and tried to learn the piano and guitar (nope). Music brought so much joy to my life, and from about the age of 8, I remember telling people I was going to be a singer when I grew up– and I really believed it! Anybody remember the old TV show “Fame?” As a grade school kid I truly thought I’d get to go to a high school or college like that someday, where music, art, and theater were a main part of the curriculum.
Dreams Deferred: The Path Not Taken
I had originally intended to major in music in college, and I auditioned at two colleges in my state. There was parental pushback on that, though, because “music isn’t a career” and “you won’t make a living.” The one college I had my heart set on, Plymouth State in New Hampshire, was actively recruiting me during my senior year for their music program. But I found out there was no scholarship the year I needed it, and I never went. For reasons I won’t get into, I had to pay for college on my own, and at that time it was roughly $4000/year, which I couldn’t afford (I still remember the price 35 years later).
So instead, I put myself through a local community college, studying boring things like accounting, taxes, and business admin stuff. Many years and a few colleges later, I eventually earned several degrees– but none of them were about music. I’ve never taken another music course in my life!
The Silent Years
Now I’m an empty-nester. My kids are out in the world living on their own. And for some reason, I find that I now only sing when I’m alone– usually while doing the dishes or when driving in the car. I can’t sing in front of others anymore, and I don’t even know when or how that happened. It’s the same thing with dancing. Too many times I’ve been the person sitting on the sidelines, wanting to jump on the dance floor and dance, but not wanting to be judged. I do find myself swaying to the music or jumping around dancing when I’m doing household chores– but only if I’m alone. I tamp it down if my husband is home. Isn’t that silly? Like he’s going to judge me…
Jennifer (left) & her sister
Rediscovering My Voice
"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." - Plato
I’ve been journaling a lot as a mid-life adult, and the theme of “music and movement” keeps coming up for me. I’m determined to consciously make an effort to incorporate more music and movement into my life. In recent years, I’ve explored sound healing, mantra songs, and even vibrational healing! (More to come on these topics soon)
My instinct to return to music wasn't just nostalgia– it’s also backed by science. Turns out, music can actually be a healing tool. If you’d like to learn more about how music supports healing, check out this article from Harmony & Healing.
Recently, I got waaaay out of my comfort zone and attended two 80’s proms with my sister and her friends. Unlike when I was 9, I’m now overweight, so that adds to the “not wanting to jump on the dance floor” too. Oh, and these were COSTUME parties for adults. I donned a poofy red wig, a fluorescent pink tutu and just went with it. I made a conscious effort to NOT care if anyone was looking, if anyone was pointing, and just to focus on the music. And it was a blast! Honestly, life is too short to care what other people think about you. It’s also too short to deprive yourself of the things you LOVE.
Breaking the Pattern: A Call to Self-Discovery
Here’s my question for you– what did you used to love that you’ve completely let fall away from your life? And why? Can you remember the last time you enjoyed whatever it is?
We each are the way we are TODAY because of things that happened in the past, and what our little bodies and brains “learned” about the world and how to act to stay safe. I don’t know about you, but my little brain learned things like:
Nobody likes you. You don’t fit in.
Don’t draw attention to yourself.
Just stay in the background…or even better, be invisible.
And so much more
If this was triggering for you, I encourage you to explore how EFT Tapping might be able to help.
Jennifer Robin O’Keefe serves as a friendly, relatable Wellness & Success Coach. After completing extensive personal development and coaching training with Jack Canfield, she earned the title of Certified Canfield Trainer, and is authorized to teach others "The Success Principles."
She also holds several wellness certifications including Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping, Thought Field Therapy (TFT) Tapping, Reiki, and more. She continuously expands her knowledge in the fields of Qi Gong, Xien Gong, Vibration/Energy Wellness and Natural Health.
She's an active reader and researcher who loves to learn and teach. It's her great joy to teach and share what she's learned with others!
